Like many other kids, I would talk and talk about anything new I learned from the moment I was able to. I just wouldn’t shut up; in nearly every photo of me before the age of seven, you can clearly see that I’m in the middle of a sentence. I formed staunch opinions instantaneously, and I would make them known right after. With my nose pointed high and pseudo-maturity in my voice, I would act as an expert in any field. For all I knew, I was. No one ever told me I was wrong. They only encouraged me, likely sarcastically, but I was five; I didn’t understand, nor did I care. They claimed I was so eloquent, so articulate, so passionate – that one was their favorite, and I ate it up.
As I swung into middle school, the pendulum came with me. I became silent. Lockdown and adolescence had turned me into an entirely different person. Throughout the first week of school, one of my teachers would joke about how she could already see how “talkative” I was, which just made me even more reluctant to speak. I would rarely weigh in on conversations and whenever I made a point one of my friends didn’t like, they’d tell me I’m too opinionated. A lot of my personality disappeared, and I rarely considered and evaluated what I truly thought about things because I thought no one would care to listen. I assumed the tenets of others, just agreeing to make things easy. I thought my beliefs weren’t contributing anything and that they just made me unlikable, so I tried to relinquish them. This was very difficult for me to do, so all my thoughts just stayed inside my head and festered. However, they developed too. These few years of silence taught me how to listen to others and the importance of learning holistically about things before you speak on them.
It shouldn’t be a big deal for kids to talk about their standpoints. I still constantly hear adults discouraging opinionated young children, especially girls, whether it’s passive aggressively or just telling them to be quiet. As a part of my summer job, I work with kids, and I love hearing their thoughts about things. While sometimes outlandish, they are so engaging to listen to. Additionally, they broaden my horizons with their ability to think outside the box, an ability that should be preserved and praised, not squashed. Typically, a kid can go on talking for as long as you’ll allow them to. Listen and ask questions – it’s an important skill to be able to describe why you think something, and with some guidance they can almost always come up with a reason. If they can’t, it’s likely because this idea was planted into their heads by someone else. While the groundwork is set when you’re younger, this occurrence continues to be a prevalent issue amongst all generations. In the age of AI and the internet, many people aren’t forming opinions the same way. The ability to research a topic, sit with that information, and take time to develop an opinion is on the decline. While we have infinitely more resources, many decide to take the easy route and expedite this process by borrowing someone else’s stance. It may be a friend, a parent, an influencer, or an AI; it doesn’t really matter. Your views need to be your own because the more and more you let others dictate what you say you think, the more this will seep into your actual thought process. This leads to a cycle of insecurity, where you will condition yourself to doubt your judgement and continue to seek the approval of others, eventually turning yourself into an impressionable shell of your former self. This was the path I was on in middle school until I found new friends, gained more self-respect, and started stepping out of my comfort zone. Self-reflection was likely the biggest contributor to my recovery: I rediscovered my voice by journaling each day and spending time sitting with my thoughts.
It’s not difficult to form opinions. We do it thousands of times each day. While it sounds astounding at first, it really makes sense. You’re passively forming a standpoint on each of my sentences as you read. These are called snap judgements. Prejudice is a big player for these: everything that preceded this moment determines what you’re currently thinking. This is why we must always question our initial judgment. We should learn from kids and have opinions, but these opinions should be fully-formed. One of the main issues about your theories not being your own is that if you can’t back them up, you likely don’t have sufficient evidence to defend your claim. However, this can also come from overconfidence. Middle school taught me that people, myself included, speak without actually knowing what they are talking about because they are unaware of their ignorance. The Dunning-Kruger effect describes how when people know less about a topic, they severely overestimate their expertise, leading to detrimental false confidence. With a little bit of research, and listening to others, you can get over the peak of hubris and get back to reality. It’s not essential to be an expert on a topic to discuss it, but I think it’s crucial to be transparent about your level of familiarity. While this is easier said than done, the prevention of misinformation should always take priority over the preservation of pride.
As I relearned to express my opinions, I found it terrifying when someone disagreed with me. There are two things that I’ve seen myself and others do when met with disagreement, two sides of the same coin that is insecurity: fight to the death or surrender. The former connects to the Dunning-Kruger effect, usually exemplified when someone realizes that they don’t know as much as they thought they did. Out of pride, I would defend an incorrect statement relentlessly just because I didn’t want to admit that I was ignorant. On the flip side, if I hadn’t yet shared my beliefs, I would regress back to my former self, quickly tossing my thoughts out the window and agreeing wholeheartedly with that person. Although I’ve grown to actually enjoy learning that I’m wrong sometimes, I still get embarrassed when that happens. It’s important to brush it off and not let your ego get the best of you. Most people don’t care when you’re wrong, and if they do, then you’re probably talking to the wrong person. This year, I’ve slipped up a couple of times and gotten too argumentative. In these instances, I’ve allowed learning to take the backseat to winning, treating a conversation like a battlefield. This notion caused me to lose the perspective and knowledge I could have gained from just admitting I was wrong and listening to the other side. I think when people are blinded by their ego, they tend to become deafened to the truth. Listening to others is a crucial skill, especially when it comes to opinions. If we don’t consider the viewpoints of others, our perspective remains dangerously narrow. It’s just as misguided to believe your opinions are superior to anyone else’s as it is to believe anyone else’s opinion is superior to yours.
As I grow up, I continue to learn how to form and handle my beliefs more effectively. Each day, I practice seeing the nuance in things, having self-confidence, admitting when I’m wrong, and listening attentively to others. However, the most important thing I want you to take away from this is simply to think more. No matter who you are, some extra self reflection will go a long way. Advanced thought is the most powerful tool that we have as humans; other than bipedalism and having opposable thumbs, it’s pretty much the only thing that sets us apart from other animals. There’s no right way to think, but in my opinion, you need better opinions.