Dear Edvice,

It has recently come to my attention that two guys, and their friends, are in a betting war for who could become my boyfriend. I’ve maybe had a maximum of five conversations with these guys, and they were not very good conversations. I really have no feelings for either of them, and am baffled that this whole thing even happened. I was talking with one of my friends, and she was saying how I should just put an end to this whole fiasco. Though that seems like the mature thing to do, I was watching this finance bro, and realized I have not really monetized all my opportunities. I’m leaving these huge gains on the table for these two random guys to get. So now I’m compelled to figure out how I can get in on this bidding war, in order to make some extra money. Prom put me in a little bit of debt, so this would definitely help me out. Please tell me how I can go about this. 

-Dollar Donna

Dear Dollar Donna,

You seem to find yourself in murky waters. First, assuming you’re a highschooler, maybe check your school’s code of conduct to see if gambling is allowed, (there’s like a 99% chance it is not). However, if you are in that 1%, then I see no reason as to why you can’t get in on the money a little bit, and gain from the situation. As for how to go about it, you could get your friend to start a side bet alongside some of the other people participating in this bidding war. The side bet could be that you end up with neither of these boys. Then, all you have to do is put a bunch of money into this new side bet, and you will have a sure chance of winning. Hopefully this helps Dollar Donna, and you can get all the money you spent on Prom back.  

With love,

Cahn Soltayshine

HELP!!!! Someone keeps stealing my pack of mini Oreos! Everyday, I bring lunch from home. I pack it very particularly and personalized. My favorite part of my lunch is a pack of mini Oreos. They’re like my comfort food. No matter what kind of day I have, that pack of mini Oreos always makes me feel better and gives me enough motivation to finish the school day. One day, a few weeks ago, my pack of mini Oreos went missing. At first, I thought that maybe I just forgot to pack them that morning. Nonetheless, the rest of my day went terribly without the Oreos. The next day, I made sure to pack the mini Oreos, even taking a picture to prove it. Still, my mini Oreos went missing. I concluded that someone must be stealing my mini Oreos, but who would do such a thing? I keep my lunch in my locker at all times except for lunch hour, and by the beginning of lunch hour they’re gone. This has been going on for a while now, and I really miss my mini Oreos. What should I do?

-Ms. Miss My Oreos

Dear Ms. Miss My Oreos,

That seems like a very serious issue that you are experiencing. One solution could be to install some sort of camera inside your locker in order to catch the perpetrator and ensure the safety of your pack of mini oreos. In addition, you could also try to change the lock to your locker, since that might throw off the Oreo thief. Perhaps you could get an ultra secure lock, like those ones that only open with your finger print. You could also try to ask your friends, since they have the most access to the mini pack of Oreos. As they say, keep your friends close and your enemies closer. 

Hope this helps Ms. Miss My Oreos,

Cahn Soltayshine