Recently, my little sister Celeste took her first steps, wandering shakily from her PackNPlay over to my open arms. The moment felt like one out of a movie, as I picked her up, exclaimed with joy, held her tight in my arms and kissed her on her forehead. Her bright blue eyes looked curiously back at me, a huge grin showing five teeth. 

Like many older sisters, I felt proud and a sense of awe, amazed that this little human being who entered the world just one short year ago was growing up before my eyes. Since she took those first steps, I’ve found myself scrolling back through my camera roll — watching videos of her first starting to giggle, taking long rides in the stroller during hot summer days, and playing peek-a-boo with our cousins. When I watch her, I can’t help but think about myself — and how a toddling child grew up to become me. 

Oftentimes, childhood is reflected on as a time of wonder, novelty, and innocence. Not only that, but when paired with the overwhelming stress of school, social issues, and general teenage woes, the contrast between childhood and teenagehood seems almost staggering. While we do go through significant emotional, cultural, and physical changes throughout the course of our lives, holding onto the fact that we are still the same person we were as children can not only build a strong sense of self, but as I’m realizing, can give us a sense of grace. 

Whether it’s in politics, family dynamics, or society in general, children are the ones we always tend to prioritize — in an ideal world at least. Whether or not that is actually translated into policies that ensure the wellbeing of ALL children is a different story, but one truth remains: children are the population people tend to worry about the most.

But when it comes to how we think about ourselves, there seems to be a distinct disconnect between the children we once were and who we are now. When I think about myself as a child, it’s hard to make a tangible connection that the little girl who would put on plays for my neighbors and hold funerals for bugs, would be me. Obviously, changes come with maturing, but honoring the children we once were is something that more people need to do. 

If we as a society claim to prioritize children to such an extent, why do we not honor ourselves more? At the end of the day, we are all still the young children who used to be so carefree and kind to each other. 

A couple months ago,  a relationship with someone I knew well as a child turned sour. Despite all the frustration I felt with that situation, all that I could think about was not any events that triggered the breakdown, but rather one image: us racing down slides at the playground. I wanted so badly to distance myself from them, but all I could think about was how disappointed a six year old me would be at that prospect. 

Since then, I’ve been trying to not reconnect with the child I was, but to rather recognize that she hasn’t gone anywhere. When I find myself speaking negatively about myself or wishing there was something different about the way I look, I have to take a step back and remember that I’m not insulting how I am now — I’m speaking negatively to my five year old self.

When I think about Celeste, her progress, and the young woman she will later become, there’s one principle I want her to hold onto: that she will always be the loved little girl giggling as she runs around our kitchen, Miffy stuffed animal in hand. I never want her, or any child for that matter, to grow up where they think physical, emotional, and personal improvement is a necessity at all times. The day she starts to dislike or even hate herself is something I never want to see.

But to prevent this, I think parents, mentors, and siblings  need to do a better job of not letting growing children forget who they are at heart. Even through awkward adolescence, chaotic teenagehood, or the oftentimes challenging times of early adulthood, everyone needs to make an active effort to honor their inner child. It isn’t so much a mission to reconnect with that child, but rather to remember the person you are not disparaging is not just you, but a beloved child. So the next time you feel down about yourself or want to take out anger on yourself, just remember your anger is not being taken out on some reimagined, negative version of yourself, it’s the little kid you were who just happened to grow up.