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Dear Ed-Vice,

A few months ago I became friends with this girl, and I really like her. Although she’s a lot older than me, we have pretty similar interests and became friends pretty fast. The issue begins with a conversation that is really making me question if I should drop her. She was telling me about one of her friends, who came out to her as gay. My friend, who I know is very religious (I am as well) responded by saying that he should just turn back to Jesus and join a support group for other gay men who want to ‘pray the gay away’. She kept asking me to justify this decision, which I didn’t do (partly because I’ve liked girls before too, and mainly because I’m not a terrible person). I really like her, but I don’t want to be friends with her if she doesn’t agree with me on stuff like that. The whole conversation just made me really uncomfortable, but I feel bad because she seems like a really lonely person.

What do I do? Should I keep hanging out with her even if she keeps expressing these opinions?

Hi there,

I think you know what you need to do already. You said that you couldn’t support her stance because you’re “not a terrible person,” so it’s clear that you don’t think she’s a good person. You should not force yourself to hang around people who spread bigoted ideas. If her homophobia wasn’t enough, the fact that she wanted you to share the same views should be. People who make you uncomfortable aren’t your friends. 

I also want you to know that this person’s loneliness is not your problem or your responsibility. Don’t put yourself in dangerous or uncomfortable situations out of guilt. Who knows, maybe this person is lonely because people disagree with her homophobic worldview.

Muah, 

Cahn, Soltayshinne