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Dear Ed Vice,

I keep trying to force myself to feel excited about college, but lately, that feels impossible. For starters, I’m the first in my family to even be going. That’s a big deal, obviously, and I know it should feel like something amazing, but mostly, it just makes me terrified of letting them down. My parents expect so much from me; they’ve sacrificed so much just to get me to this point. They want me to go to Madison, but I don’t know if I have good enough stats, or if I am smart enough for that. My friends and boyfriend are trying to be supportive, but it’s hard because none of them are first-gen. They always tell me not to be so hard on myself, and that I’m smart enough, but they don’t really get it. Everyone says that being first-gen is a big achievement, but sometimes, I feel embarrassed about it. I don’t want to stand out or make people think I’m there out of pity. Honestly, I am afraid that once I get there, I’ll find out I don’t belong after all. What if I’m just not cut out for it?

Sincerely,

Hello there!

When you’re approaching a stressful milestone such as applying for universities, people will tell you to try and feel excited. There’s merit to this. Receiving an education is a great thing—but I know that you know that already. Don’t force yourself to feel excited. If you have to force yourself, that means you’re not ready to be excited. That’s fine, because as exciting as college can be, it starts with a really stressful process. False excitement is a uniquely disgusting feeling, and it’s probably just bringing you down right now. Give yourself the space to be nervous.

I recognize that being the first person in your family to attend college must also be difficult in a culture that hinges so heavily on it. One thing I can say is that there’s really nothing embarrassing about your situation. I understand that your friends and boyfriend can’t relate to your struggle, but ironically, you’ll probably find someone with a similar experience in college. The thing about Shorewood is that this community is so small and as fun as that can be, there’s a limit to the diversity that can be offered here. The cool thing about attending a university is that the larger community is going to be super diverse. There will be people who get it. 

The other cool thing is that you can choose what you prefer to study. I’m not sure if you’ve selected a major or area of study yet. It’s fine if not because you have time, but I’m hoping that once you begin attending classes that you’re passionate about, you’ll feel even a smidgen more confident.

Sincerely,